"Urbana-Champaign For My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends" AKA "You Can Lead a Horse to Water But You Can't Make Him Show His Dick"
"No Crying in the Uber" AKA "Help! I'm Stalling and I Can't Get Up!"
A column about one college student's misfortune as he navigates his new "adult" life in Chicago.
College roommates fuck.
"Love, Contractually" AKA "Queer'd Science"
"The First Rule of Dying is Don't Talk About Dying" AKA "How to Succeed in Astral Projection Without Really Trying"
"Last Teenage Sleep" AKA "I Drifted Through Space For 20 Years and All I Got Was This Gross Body"
"The Great Grindr in the Sky" AKA "Bottoms in Neverland"
"I'm going to make you into a burrito."
"Healthy, as it Were" AKA "Barbecue Chips are the Most Fun a Boy Can Have Without Taking His Clothes Off"
A bunch of drunk teens get philosophical.
"Lullaby for a Roommate" AKA "Hello Daddy, Hello Mom, I'm Your Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Child With Mental Illness"
Anxiety isn't cute when your age doesn't end in "teen."
Projecting a fantasy of forever onto a one-night-stand.
"Pity in Pink" AKA "The Thousand Year Hangover"
A skinnier gay enters the picture and the devil laughs.
Co-dependent desperation with a 30 year old virgin.
"Friendly Creature Double Feature" AKA "Home Is Where the Shart Is"
A good old fashioned shit story.
Two bone fractures, one big realization.
Dope day in the city, baby.
Advice after a year of living alone.
"The Panic at KAP" AKA "Veni, Vidi, Veni Again"